Everything starts with a decision. A conscious willing of the mind, a translation of ideas into reality. It is safe to say then that all things physical start with things mental. Craft an idea in your mind and clarify it, refine it, describe it, and then work toward re-presenting that in the world. That is why Plato said that the Physical World is not the highest realm of being, but the manly thought life. The question is, what ideas do I have for my own life? My ideas are some that I believe worth translating into reality.
I don’t even want to quantify or organize it anymore. I want to write it all out, no structure, no lines of support. Let us get into the creative act. I think that preparation of my mind, immersion into the ideas relating to politics, philosophy, human interaction and expression are well worth pursuing. So the preparation of my mind is one idea I have. This would be through higher education and reading mostly. I suppose the major goal is that I believe I have something valuable to impart to what we (as a species) has found out so far about what it means to be human. That is one of my beliefs. I have something valuable to express and add to the history and mass of knowledge.
Another idea I have is to take on random projects that appeal to me, whether they be in work or in play, and pour my life into them, and see if my soul is one strong enough to become good at it. Sales is a great example of this burgeoning ability. Something I would verily like to accomplish is to be a man able to motivate himself into action without the help of others, a man strong in will and faith.
There is every reason in the world to begin looking immediately for a viable route to and through Graduate School! Unfortunately for me, I am not a man of great beauty in flesh. And therefore not confident in my flesh. I am thirsty. I just got Grape Kool-Aid. Such Glory there is in powdered drinks.
I think a problem I have, which may in fact be an asset, is that my mind perceives that there is so much in the world. So much to look at, see, analyze, assimilate. And it is all beautiful. And so my mind does not go in a straight path but it seeks to compartmentalize like things with like things of categories. In my life there is a category for everything, but the individual “things” in each category is hazy and not clearly seen.
I want to see each of them.
I want to learn.
One thing that may very well help me is to obtain some sort of Sorter Mailbox. I imagine something very similar to the Mailboxes I’ve seen in Ballantine 442 where each professor has his or her mailbox. And what I could do is put little labels on each box about what I’m researching and studying and that way I’ll know where everything is and I’ll be allowed to be scatter-brained.
I’ve just been on my bank account website and I was looking at my student loan payments. And then I also thought about my sales and how I’ve really done well this month. And how I’m going to make about four thousand dollars in the month of June based on my May performance–how very much I like that. I think my progress in where I’m headed is going quite good actually. Maybe even despite all my kickings and screamings.
I think my mind and my heart and everything about me is quite self-absorbed actually. Not with malice do I think on myself against everyone else. But I have been this way for so long. I am wondering if this needs to change, or if life would be better for everyone if I did think about other people first before myself.
I’m gonna go read now, and keep my notepad out, to take notes on what my definite desires are.
